Maybe I’m just reeling from post-film excitement, and that’s giving me a positive bias for this movie. But, after some of the excitement has worn off, I don’t know. I think I would give it a sold 6 out of 10. And here is why.

(If you don’t want spoilers, DO NOT read ahead!)

So the Force Awakens…hmm, I guess the Force must have been dreaming about A New Hope quite a bit. I will get back to this shortly, but, as it is my wont, I will start first with…

THE GOOD…

The theme of light and darkness, I felt, was handled very well. Aside from the obvious name of one of the protagonists being synonymous with light (more on that in a bit), the literal transition from darkness to light was a nice touch. Whoever the villains are, they are trying to make them a bit Sauron-esque. I do wish, however, that this had been more of a Sith thing, since they’re supposed to be the supreme evil. But this movie tries to pass off that the Sith were just a small part of a bigger “darkness”. I don’t know, maybe time will tell.

Speaking of said protagonist…

This is Rey’s movie. She is the Luke Skywalker character, only a bit more tech-savvy and confident. Too bad, that would have been a good character development. But this is the positive side. Her story-arc, most likely, will be discovering who her family is and why they left her on discount-Tatooine (aka. Jakkuu). Aside from some aspects of her character, she’s likable enough. Also, I do hope that she is the one who becomes a Jedi.

I said that this movie is heavily inspired by A New Hope, but not completely. When Nyong’o’s character (whatever its name was) told Rey about the Force, it reminded me of when Kreia tells Meetra Surik of the Force in Knights of the Old Republic II.

And this scene was straight from Splinter of the Mind’s Eye. I know that JJ Abrams and Disney killed the Expanded Universe like Anakin killed the Jedi younglings in Revenge of the Sith, but you can’t tell me that JJ never read Splinter after seeing this scene. As a fan of the Expanded Universe, I was pleased by it. Also calling the Solo boy (more on him later) “Ben” was another nod to the Expanded Universe. As was the Sun-Crusher…I mean, the Starkiller (as in Anakin’s original surname, or the made-up surname of whiny emo b*tch Galen Marek from The Force Unleashed?)

Back to the above, I was thoroughly invested in this fight (practically whispering Obi-Wan’s warnings to Luke about the dark side from Empire Strikes Back), so that’s definitely a good thing.

Can i just say that i thought Poe Dameron was cool as hell? He could pretty much be the sequel trilogy’s Wedge Antilles. I mean, he’s of strong enough will to resist Kylo Ren’s Force power, and he’s a fine pilot, leading the assault on the Starkiller (and i want to know how he got back to the Resistance Base before Rey, Han, Chewie and the others).

Good call on a very Star Wars start with no Disney logo! And Luke’s reveal at the very end was nicely done (i do like that this one doesn’t end with a celebration. totally inappropriate considering what happens)

Okay, we covered the good stuff, now…

THE BAD…

The Force Awakens is 50% A New Hope. There, i said it. I know that a lot of fans were expecting (and even hoping for) this, but I personally wanted to see a new adventure that was true to the spirit of the original trilogy, not a copy-paste of the plot. Once you realize that you’ve got a story where a rebel fighter sends a droid with secret information away on a desert planet, where our intrepid heroes have to save the day by destroying a giant space station capable of wiping out planets, there’s no use denying that this is just A New Hope…again. We don’t need another A New Hope, we already have A New Hope. If there’s nothing new to be told, JJ, why bother dragging us back to a galaxy far, far away?

Oh, i see why now.

Honestly, I found Finn’s character to be more or less superfluous. No offense to John Boyega, because he hid his English accent well and played the character well. I think, however, that he has little or nothing to do in this movie because, well, all of the important stuff is being done by Rey. See, this is why we can’t have nice things, because feminists demand that men have to be weak and impotent and women have to have ALL the fun stuff. I mean, re-watch the original trilogy, if you love it so much! Everyone, male and female, had significant roles to play! Give poor Finn a break, he’s been catching shit his entire life (pun intentional)

Oh, hi, W.A.L.L.-E. What are you doing in this movie? I don’t care what JJ said, I still don’t think W.A.L.L.-E. was entirely “practical effects.” Speaking of which, lens flare jokes aside, this movie does not visually feel like a successor to the Star Wars movies. The camera angles, the way the shots were arranged, it all feels like something else that isn’t Star Wars. I mean, even in the prequel trilogy, George Lucas did his best to match the filming style of his previous movies (even if those were 100% CGI, as opposed to only 70% like here).

-clears throat-

WEEELLLLLL…

Kylo Ren’s a b*tch
He’s a big fat b*tch
He’s the biggest b*tch in the whole wide world
He’s a stupid b*tch
If there ever was a b*tch
He’s a b*tch to all the boys and girls

Reasons why Kylo Ren’s a b*tch…

1) he killed Han Solo
2) literally betrayed and murdered his own father: there’s no other point of view for this one
3) and it was such a cheap shot! (i promise that’s the last of this)
4) he takes his frustration out on computer consoles (Darth Vader does not approve)
5) his cross-guard lightsaber. It’s designed so he can cheap-shot Jedi like a little b*tch when they clash
6) not necessarily a bad thing, but he looks like Anakin Skywalker, which solidifies his place as a b*tch
7) his real name, Ben Solo, is a constant reminder of Anakin Solo and Ben Skywalker, of the Expanded Universe that is no more (okay, that’s not his fault, that’s JJ’s fault. damn you, JJ!)
8) also, no offense to Rey, but he gets beaten by a noob…

Come on, you know the words!

Also, Han Solo is dead.

Unless you want to say that Lando Calrissian, or Captain Phasma, aka. Brienne of Darth, saved him at the last minute, flew away from the planet at the last minute and administered medical care to him at the last minute (which i highly doubt Phasma would have done, considering she is an enemy), there isn’t any getting back up from this.

I don’t get why having the First Order, who are the genocidal bad guys, be “multicultural” is supposed to mean anything. I mean, who cares if they have black people or Asian people or women in their ranks? They just annihilated an entire star-system! Why should we care about them?

One last thing: the bad guy’s name is Snoke? Really? That’s the best you can do, JJ? It’s like that episode of South Park where a nuke was hidden up killary’s…well, you know, and was called a “snuke.” Can’t we come up with a better name for giant dark side Gollum than…Snoke?

Conclusion. The Force may have awakened, but I am still unconvinced. This felt like a re-tread of old ground and very little, if anything, new was added to the story. That doesn’t mean I’m not excited for Episode VIII. It’ll probably be here in three years (each Star Wars movie came out three years apart: 1977, 1980, 1983, then 1999, 2002 and 2005.), so i hope that i live long enough – and the world doesn’t go to hell before 2018 – to see Episode VIII. I want to see Rey learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi…like her father?