Tag: personal

Embarrassment, humiliation, being judged every single moment, the nerves put into forcing yourself to talk to someone, all for the one in six billion chance that she’s not taken, gay, or not interested? To then lead to a period of endless giving and compromising with zero positive returns? It’s just not worth it!

Do you know how hard it is to be a musician with self-loathing? In every genre of metal, there is an unspoken rule that one must “do it yourself” when it comes to, well, every aspect of the music. Well, what happens when you are the only one making music, but you hate yourself and everything that you do?

Why

Because i know i’m unattractive, psoriasis-laden, sickly, and have nothing to offer the opposite sex, not even stimulating conversation. And Jehovah is not like the Canaanite moon-god, who will give you women if you’re good: in fact, Jeshua said quite the opposite in Matthew.

That’s why

Long ago, i realized that nobody cares about anything i have to share with them. I also learned that people can be hateful, practically murderous, without any good reason. I also learned that most friends are only friends to an extent: you will never forget them, but they will cut you out of their lives the moment you’re no longer part of it. And not just men: women will also lead you on for their own selfish purposes.