i don’t even know why i still bother with women, when the answer they give me is no: it’s always no!

I’m equal parts sad and angry right now. I just want to cry, yell, and punch myself in the face

those of you who might still be paying attention to what i post (all zero of you) might be wondering why i’m usually so negative most of the time.

well, growing up, i wasn’t exactly encouraged to talk about my problems and emotions. it was “always look on the bright side of life”, “keep it to yourself” or my personal favorite “just let it go”. someone else always had it worse, so just you shut up and don’t bother us with your problems. as it turns out, problems that are dismissed and never addressed don’t just “go away”, no matter how much you might want them to. and while my parents have long since forgotten about what they did and “moved on”, it still hurts me, even though they’ve forgotten and chide me for “bringing up the past.”

it has to be resolved, or else it can’t simply be “laid to rest.”

I don’t crush on women anymore. There’s no point to it, since women don’t like me in return, i’d be pining after someone i’ll never have, no matter how hard i try.

I don’t post about the endless spiritual conflict in which i have been overwhelmed for most of my life: it’s been an ongoing battle since 1999, but has grown in its intensity this past year, what with my battle with UC. The reason being that some a-hole is going to see my struggle and, instead of offering help, will use it as an excuse for doubt and faithlessness.

On a regular ass day, the people i call “friends” both online and in person, are never there for me. I mean, it’s gotten to where i have to pull their arm, hold them down, and put them in a choke-hold before they’ll even consider talking to me. It feels selfish and like i’m forcing them, manipulating them, and taking advantage of them, when all i really want is someone to talk to 😥

I hate inspirational quotes. Half of them are specifically tailored to women, and the other half mock/kick me when i’m down

this looks to be a very lonely, sad, and painful Christmas for yours truly. but what do you care? as long as i’m seen and not heard, you’re as happy as clams.

so have a Merry Christmas

i was in an abusive relationship with a feminist, and so i know from personal experience that women can be just as abusive as men. but you know what? in spite of claiming to be “for equality for all genders”, feminists have without variance dismissed or defended the abusive and radical actions of their fellow-sisters. because after all, as a man, i am to them nothing but a walking dildo, right?

War in Heaven: My Musical Conflict

I am a baritone singer. When it comes to singing, i’m s.o.l. In musical theater and opera, i would be cast as the villain. In any genre calling for a chorus, i get the most boring, mundane non-melodies that stunt my growth as a vocalist while tenors and sopranos get the interesting, challenging stuff. In popular music or rock, i might as well not even bother: all i get is either cheese-ball Elvis or boring, mundane croaking shit like Type 0 Negative’s peter steele. And since anyone can do harsh vocals, that is non-singing that utilizes minimal effort (like making a 4-minute song).

So my attempt at being a clean baritone solo vocalist makes me feel like i’m lucifer rebelling against the natural order of Heaven.