scribeofthevikings

“Other people have it worse” is really a terrible and possibly insulting response to someone who is venting to you

As someone who has regularly heard this all of my life, first from family and then from “friends”, let me give you an insider’s insight on what telling someone who is hurting that “somebody else has it worse” can do.

First, it tells you that your problems don’t matter.

Second, it breeds indifference. Hearing this from a family member – the ones who gave you life, keep you warm, safe, and fed – is a slap in the face, because it tells you that the ones who are supposed to care about you and your problems more than anyone else in the world…don’t. And teaching by example is actually a thing, especially when it comes to parents. Oh you can talk about children rebelling against their parents all you want, but even if the child isn’t following in daddy’s footsteps, what the parent does and how they act will be engrained in the child’s mind as “normal.” So if indifference is being bred at home, you’re likely gonna ask yourself “well why should I care about the problems of others?”

Third, it breeds comparison. Something I learned the hard way is that comparison doesn’t work with people, even when the comparison is positive (ie, “person a was terrible, not at all like person b”). So if your problems are always being compared to everyone else’s, it’s going to be difficult further on down the line: whether it’s opening up to your spouse or your therapist. In this way, the healing process is much inhibited.